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Sunday, 29 November 2009

There's something terrible about coming to this town on vacations.
I feel out of place.
This is not my home.
But my brother is here, and I miss him so much. He's sitting on the floor, a huge history dictionary in front of him and his laptop open. He's scratches his ear as his graze is on the TV, which has some military show on. I miss being around him. It use to be just my mom, my brother, and I. And now, we three are all in different parts of the state, and can't even come "home" to be with each other.

Everything happens for a reason. I am certain God has a path paved out for us if we just walk it. But sometimes, I don't understand why my tight knit family of three started to unravel when I was 12. My mom said she let herself go on her 40th birthday when her mother announced she never wanted her four daughters. My mother is amazing and strong. I miss that about her. I just miss her in general. But I just pray that someday, maybe things can be different. Maybe I can see her, at a house that's her own. Maybe one day, my mom will be happy and my brother will learn to forgive. Maybe, we can all be happy and together again.

I just miss so much about the past. And being in this town, only brings out the scars I have forgotten about, the things that turned into dreams from long ago.

I am different. I am changed.

No one here can understand I suppose.

I was a star puzzle piece that fit perfectly, and now, I am a different shape and so, I no longer fit, and this annoys people. I am not the singing spot hogging star I was in high school. I am no longer the girl who loves competition and would cream anyone who was "beneath me". I am different. I no longer want the lime light, I just want happiness, and I thought this light was my ticket out of my thoughts and away from others.

God has a plan, for all of us. But I have to learn that there will be many changes, getting from point A to point B is not at all easy. I have to wait things out, life is about changes and adapting to them.

I don't want to live in the past when I come here. I want to live in the present.

I trust that God has plans, and I pray he guide everyone.

But for now, I have found a home on earth, and that home is in my friends at school and my boyfriend and all the families that have been in my "new" life.

I am blessed, but sadly, not with patience. : P

Monday, 23 November 2009

Thanksgiving is arriving soon.
I will be able to see my mother and brother, which is very exciting.
I'm not into the eat everything until you feel you want to pop feel. But, I am excited for turkey or ham...

I am grateful for many things. God has blessed me so much in this semester alone: with all the troubles I've been in, he has stayed by my side to help me through. He has answered prayers and guided me in my life. I am so thankful that God is God. We are never alone.

I am so happy for the great friends I have who are there for moral support at all times. They also make great dinner mates. Ha. And also, I am thankful for Robert who deals with me even when I am a crying mess over something silly.
I am blessed to have a great mother and a best friend brother.

And I now like Stars and The Smiths...a lot...

Saturday, 21 November 2009

I'm moving on campus next semester!

that is all.

Tuesday, 17 November 2009

update on life.

Ah. So, all is going well so far.
We have found someone to take the place at the old apartment.
Awesomeness.
And now, I found someone to take my place at my current apartment.
YAY!
I can move on campus!
And join groups and actually feel like a part of my college...don't have to worry about bills...don't have to worry about food.

All I had to do was trust in God. THANK God for God!!

So here's what's up.
I have been writing my last essay for my literature class. I registered for classes for next semester and I will be writing ALL the time. I am taking three literature classes, a creative writing class, and a communications class...I also hope to get in a history class, but looking at my course load, it might be best to take yoga. haha.
I am excited to live on campus again and I am going to apply for an RA position for the fall. :D I want to be like my friend Liz. She is an amazing RA and her floor loves her. I had a poor experience living in the dorms, but Liz has shown me that there is a chance to make your floor more like a family. united. fun.

I have been waiting for the arrival of Christmas.

It's warm in the apartment and I miss my brother and I shall see him soon!

I am also VERY grateful for Robert. He is amazing. When I freak out about something, he is there for me. A reality checker. Haha. He is amazing. ( :

I miss being in musicals...I think I might audition for one next semester.

It's 10:30...And I have a 9AM class tomorrow...I should sleep...or...I'll work on my essay and drink a coke...

coke wins.

Wednesday, 11 November 2009

very nervous

I need to find someone to live with the guys on State street, or else, come December, I will have to pay rent on two houses!!! I don't know what to do! I am making fliers and such, but I am so scared. What if I don't find anyone to live there?! What will I do? How will I live? This is insane. I wish I lived on campus and stayed here. Never left. Bowman was amazing. I loved it. WHY DID I MOVE?!?!?!?!? I am so stupid...scared...nervous....

pray for me.